


Avengerous Vocabulary

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Phil Coulson, Bilbo is So Done, Gen, Humor, Loki is quite OOC, crackfic, kind of AU: Coulson lives, so is Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 16:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5832193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony explores how different people see things differently.</p><p>This is just a short nonsense thing I wrote after I saw an Avengers pic somewhere~</p>
            </blockquote>





	Avengerous Vocabulary

**Author's Note:**

> This is the picture that inspired it: http://9gag.com/gag/4030446/avengerous-vocabulary
> 
> There is most likely not one person in this story that /isn't/ at least a bit OOC. You have been warned~
> 
> Enjoy!

Tony had invited Agent Coulson to his favorite café to discuss the journey to Portland. They hadn’t found time in the last two weeks, because of all the fuzz around the Avengers, but since Tony normally was a man who kept his promises (well, sometimes), and he also liked the Agent a lot (not that he would tell anyone), he insisted on the journey. And also, the café apparently served great coffee and donuts. The owner, an older woman called Marsha, had taken their order and vanished into the kitchen.

“So, did she write an e-mail telling you when she’s got time?“ the billionaire asked.

The agent nodded. “She’s got vacation beginning at 31st July.“

“Yeah, great. Then I’m just back from my journey to Macao. There’s an expo that can’t live without the great Tony Stark. I totally understand them, by the way.“

Coulson smiled. They had become sort-of friends over the past few weeks. 

“There you got.“ Marsha said and put the plates with the donuts and their coffee in front of them. “Just call if you need something.“

“Thank you, Marsha.“ Coulson replied, polite as always. Then he saw how Tony ogled their food. “What’s wrong?“

“See, that’s a coffee and a donut, right?“

The agent nodded, unsure about what Tony wanted to tell him.

“You are lost, humans! I escaped the Asgardian Guards, they are no match for me, Loki, King of the Earth. Now, I will take my revenge upon you, stupid humans!“ Somebody placed himself on a chair next to Agent Coulson. Loki.

“That’s not possible!“ said agent exclaimed.

“Wait!“ Tony yelled. “Wait.“ he said again when he had both men’s attention and also Marsha’s, who had come out of her kitchen. A grey kitten padded around the woman’s feet.

“Marsha, what’s this?“ Tony asked and pointed to the coffee cup.

“Um... a coffee cup?“

“Yeah, and this?“ he pointed towards Coulson’s gun that lay on the table.

“A... weapon?“

“Right, and this?“

“Donut… but why are you asking me?“

“Hold on a sec. What’s that?“

“That’s a kitten, Mr Stark, but what are you doing?“

He pointed at the coffee cup. “Ok, see. That’s fuel.“ He pointed towards the gun. “That’s a weapon.“ He pointed towards the donut and then the cat. “That’s also fuel, and this is most likely a jinx. So, Loki, what about you?“

The evil god snickered. “You dare to ask me, Loki, such a minor question? Then you shall have your answer. All of this is unworthy of me, this pathetic mortal stuff. I am a god.“ Then the madness started to burn in his eyes, higher than anytime before. “But now I must go, for _that“_ He pointed at the yawning kitten. “Might endanger my royal life. It is a possible _ally_ though, so I must immediately call for my army.“

He stood up and vanished with a shimmer.

Tony shrugged his shoulders. “That guy’s crazy.“ Then, more loudly: “And you, Agent Coulson? In your capacity as a top-secret agent, what are these things to you?“

The man opposite of him shrugged. “Weapon, weapon, weapon, weapon. Any questions?“

Tony frowned. “Well, how will you use a _kitten_ as a weapon?“

“There are so many possibilities... but could we focus on Portland?"

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this little blurb of nonsense :)
> 
> Also kudos to whoever made the picture!


End file.
